youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize