Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
