You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
