Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.

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(207): View more from Maine

I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.

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(+44): View more from England

You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

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(518): View more from New York

he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.

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(516): View more from New York

She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.

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(210): View more from Texas

Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....

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(407): View more from Florida

I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"

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