So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
