The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
