I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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