Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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