I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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