She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
