can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so that wasnt chicken after all
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm sobbing to NWA
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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