Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
