What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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