You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
