she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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