she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
