he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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