I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
