Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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