Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
