Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
