Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
