Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
this boner is exhausting
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
