Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
