Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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