he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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