I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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