I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
