matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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