no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
