yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
