**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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