I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
