When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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