I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
