he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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