i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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