i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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