the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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