I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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