Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
