I wish I only lived at night.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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