brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
