i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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