seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
