I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
