i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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