I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
