Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
