Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize