he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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