Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize