Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize