So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
