I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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