i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
