I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
