i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
