I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
