I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
