I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize