Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
