Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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