Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
420 ftw
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
