She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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