I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
