some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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