maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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