No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
