I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
