Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
