yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
