Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
