Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
In America we eat man semen.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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