If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize