So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
