I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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