i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
