Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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