you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
