he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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