I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
