I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
