I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
