the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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