I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
