I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
