when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
