don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
