She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
