I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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