Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
