Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Don't EVER smell your tampon
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
